


Fun Times in the SI Labs

by Ninjababe



Series: There's no such thing as too much BAMF [2]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: (mostly), And Nick Fury's as well, BAMF, BAMF Everywhere, Crack, I finally got a title that doesn't suck (too much), I like BAMF, M/M, Not Beta Read, Rated for Deadpool's Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-05-25 10:06:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6190648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninjababe/pseuds/Ninjababe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bunch of short scenes in the Stark Industries labs where Peter Parker now works as a scientist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> These are random things that come into my brain. Some are interconnected, some are random scenes. 
> 
> I'm putting this as complete. If I get more, I'll add more, but unless I get more ideas, this is what she wrote.

Sipping his quadruple espresso filled mocha, Peter looked at the ranting scientist with disinterest. As the woman ran down, he muttered, "Finally." Then he calmly set his cup on the desk beside him.

"Let me make one thing clear before I start tearing apart the theories that you should've learned to dismantle yourself in grade school." He put up a hand to stop the incoming rant. "This is my lab. I may technically not own this lab, but this is my personal lab. That's what the "Doctor Peter Parker" etched on the thick glass that is the door to this area states. I am not your subordinate. I do not work for you. I answer to two people, and you in no way shape or form look like Ms. Potts to me. If you are Tony in disguise, congrats on the portable hologram imager."

"That is not Mr. Stark," JARVIS helpfully pointed out from a hidden speaker somewhere in the ceiling.

"That's a bit sad, because Wade would love that for work," Peter mused before giving himself a little shake. "Let me continue. This means you have no right to yell at me."

"You're trying to discredit me!" the woman screamed. "Like you're crackerjack education is good enough for this company."

"JARVIS, call security," Tony called out as he calmly entered the lab. "Now, Doctor Cardona, based on your actions here and in the past, I'm afraid we at SI are going to have to let you go. Please remember that all your work here is covered by the Stark Industries confidentiality agreements, that we own fifty percent of what you created, and that your work cannot be continued without a meeting with our lawyers." Seeing two security guards enter the lab, he continued, "And, these gentlemen will escort you to retrieve your personal items, then off the premises. As soon as you exit the building, you will no longer be allowed onto any Stark property. Oh, and also, don't apply at SHIELD. They have a standard 'we don't hire Tony's rejects' policy."

Peter gamely waved at the scientist as she was escorted out of his lab.

"Now, I heard from a reliable source that you've started to work on a portable subspace power generator," Tony said as he rubbed his hands together. "Let me see!"

"It's just a pipe dream at the beginning stages. And, who told you?" Peter glared at the ceiling. "JARVIS!"

"I did not inform sir of anything as requested," JARVIS pointed out.

"I don't know how he does it, but your boyfriend keeps leaving me messages on my private terminals," Tony said as he started to peruse the data on the monitor in front of him.

Peter glared up at the ceiling, but didn't reply.

=====

"Doctor Parker," a semi-timid voice called out from the doorway of his lab.

Automatically saving his work, Peter looked up distractedly. Seeing a worried security guard with a vibrating in place Deadpool beside him, he quickly shut his terminal down. "Oh, it's lunch time!"

Wade was glaring. "I waited fifteen minutes! And, I was ten minutes late! You need a better alarm!"

"I do try," huffed from the ceiling.

Wade gave a little scream. "I hear voices!"

"Mr. Wilson, as I've stated before, I am an artificial intelligence that sees to Mr. Stark's business and personal needs."

The leer was evident, even with Wade's mask. "How can you take care of his 'personal needs' if you can't touch him?"

"Okay, let's go," Peter said, dragging his boyfriend out of the lab. "Could you shut the rest down please, JARVIS."

"With pleasure, sir."

"Actually, thinking about it, that's sad," Wade continued contemplatively. "The love that shall never touch! To love, but not to kiss, caress, fu…"

He was interrupted by Peter's hand over his mouth. "I think we get the point. Let's go eat."

Deadpool squealed and bounced in place. "Food!" Turning to the hovering guard, he motioned forward. "Lead on, garcon!"

Peter fondly shook his head. "This is your security detail, not your waiter."

"See, that's how awesome I am! I need a security detail to protect me!" Peering closely at the nervous guard, he continued. "Don't worry, I'll let you take a bullet for me."

Giving a small snort, Peter addressed the now more nervous guard. "Just think of the extra hazard pay your getting for this hour." Turning back to his boyfriend, he pulled him down the hall. "I've heard good things about the Chinese place down the street. Let's go there."

"Yeah," Wade leered as he was happily being lead toward the elevator. "Then I can dim your sum."

=====

"JARVIS, make sure we're secure in here," Tony ordered after peering around the lab. He then casually asked, "So… superhero, or just born with an extra 'umph'?" 

"I'm sorry?" Peter asked, blinking.

"Secure, sir."

"When we met at Hammer Tech, I figured out that you're 'more than meets the eye'. I mean, you pulled me up with one hand when I was pretty much dead weight, heard a guard coming so we could hide when there was no sound I could here, and was able to push a very heavy set of lockers around."

Peter started to look a bit afraid. "Adrenaline?"

Tony shook his head. "Considering how calm you were about the whole thing? I don't think so." Looking serious, he continued. "Now, I waited for a few months so it wouldn't look like I was intimidating you or anything. No matter what, you have a job here. Just, I wanted to know so I don't have to worry about if you're getting what you need."

"I need?" Peter started to look confused again.

"If you're out fighting the 'good fight', I want you to know that you can come here for medical at any time, call for back up, all that. And if you need any special dietary requirements. I don't want to have to hide one of my best scientists from the government when they discover their plutonium stockpiles are disappearing because you need to snack on it every year or so."

"You need to stop texting with Wade," Peter pointed out.

"Anyway, think about it. Let me know one way or another." Tony turned to the lab doors. "Okay, JARVIS, open her up."

"Done, sir."

After Tony had left, Peter slumped against the counter. A few moments later, he took out his cellphone and called his boyfriend. "We need to talk. No, not sex-talk, talk talk. Home, now."

Putting the phone away, he headed for the doors. "I'm going home for the night JARVIS."

"I figured, sir. I have saved your current data and turned everything off."

"Thanks."

=====

"Right, fine," Peter said when Tony entered the lab a few days later. "Have a seat. And, JARVIS?"

"The lab is secure."

"I'm only telling you this because Wade thinks you're 'all that, and a block of cheddar.' And we need the money for our kids," Peter paused to look fondly at the framed photo on his nearby desk of him and Wade proudly standing behind a Playstation Four and an XBox One. Giving himself a small shake, he held out his hand to shake. "Hi, I'm Spiderman."

Tony blinked at the hand in front of him before shaking it. "Huh." After a few moments, he continued, "Well, nice to meet you. So, born that way?"

"High school field trip where an experimental, radioactive spider got loose and bit me," Peter dryly replied.

"So, I need to know," Tony looked excited. "The webbing? Natural byproduct?"

"No, I created it," Peter replied proudly. Pulling out a small black bag, he pressed his left thumb to the oversized zipper.

"Hey, you had that bag when we first met!" Tony exclaimed as Peter pulled out his web slingers.

"Yes. Wade made it especially for me. Kevlar and a biometric lock on the zipper. If anyone tries to open it without the proper fingerprint, it gives a nasty surprise."

Seeing Peter's grin, Tony gave a small chuckle before leaning closer to look over the wrist contraptions the younger man had created.

After a few hours of brainstorming, Tony suddenly straightened up. "Spandex!"

Peter blinked. "Huh?"

"You are never wearing spandex again! It has no protection!"

Grinning, Peter shook his head. "Don't worry, the boyfriend took care of that. He won't tell me where it's from, but the material can stop even armor piercing rounds. I still get a bad bruise, but it's like wearing a body kevlar suit, but better."

Nodding, Tony glanced up. "JARVIS, see about giving this window, a few in the public Avenger floors, and one in the penthouse, the ability to open. And, a few random other ones. We'll tell people it's so I can get out for Avengers business easier without breaking glass."

"Affirmative. I've also started production on a set of in ear communicators for Mr. Parker to wear when out and about in case of emergencies."

"That'll be great," Grinning, Tony turned Peter. "That way, if you need help, you can call JARVIS, if we need help, he can call you. And, if/when you need medical attention, I promise no one else will take off the mask."

Peter grinned back, but his reply was cut off by JARVIS.

"Sir, Mr Wilson is outside the lab, loudly debating with himself if blowing the door is against the rules when obviously his 'boogity bear' is being held captive by your giant brain. He's making his escort very nervous."

"Give the guard their next next three scheduled work days off with pay, double his salary for this week, and tell them we're on the way out," Tony replied. "Well, Peter. Have a great weekend." With that, he sauntered towards the door as it swished open.

"Finally!" Deadpool exclaimed. "I was trying to remember if I had everything to make C4 on me, or if I left the detonators in my other pants!" Pulling Peter towards the elevator, he continued. "Now, we have to get home soon, or the Vault will be overrun with molerats, and those things are too ugly to live!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m bad at names (worse than titles), so I use the random name generator at behindthename.com when I need a character’s name, just so you know.
> 
> The 'children' joke is an ongoing joke at my work for the game systems we have set up to play with. I personally have three kids: PC, PS2, and a XBox 360.
> 
> The vault and molerats bit is about the Fallout video game series.
> 
> Like I said in the beginning, this may be complete. But, having the zaniness that is this version of Peter and Wade interact with other MCU characters... hmmmm...


	2. Chapter 2

"JARVIS, who's at the door?" Peter asked, not looking up from his experiment when he heard his lab doorchime go off.

"It is Agent Coulson, sir," JARVIS replied.

"Keep the door looked, but patch me through?"

"Of course," the AI stated before Peter heard a beep to signify the connection.

"I'm in the middle of a delicate procedure, Agent. Can this wait?" Peter asked, still working.

"It can. May I return in fifteen minutes?" Coulson's voice was heard over the speaker.

"Give me twenty-five."

"Of course."

"He has left for the elevator, sir," JARVIS stated a few moments later.

By the time Agent Coulson had returned, Peter's experiment was finished. He was grinning because it was successful, which meant he was on the right track for his project. "How can I help you, Agent?" He asked as Coulson entered the lab.

"I just wanted to hand you this, in case it was necessary," the agent of SHIELD replied, handing over a metal business card.

"Okay," Peter replied as he stared at the card in his hand, confused.

"If you are ever in a situation where you need help. Here, or with your boyfriend," Coulson continued.

Glaring, Peter dropped the card to his desk. "Excuse me?!"

Holding his hands up to ward off the coming angry retort, the agent continued. "I don't mean from your boyfriend. But, Deadpool does have a dangerous job. It may affect your life in some manner. If you need help, SHIELD is there for you."

Grabbing the card, he shoved it back at Coulson. "Thanks, but we've done good so far."

Coulson's reply was stopped by Tony Stark entering the lab. "Coulson! I told you to stop recruiting my staff!"

Rolling his eyes, Coulson turned to the billionaire. "I'm not recruiting. I'm giving him options he may need for dangerous situations."

The two left the lab, bickering, while Peter stared down at the card still on the floor.

=====

Wade… did you abduct an assistant from SI?

I do not abduct! ...Anymore ...Much

Much?! No, we'll talk about that later. Did you or did you not leave SI with a person of the female persuasion hours ago?

...Maybe. And, damn it, Peter, I hate this thing. It's changing my elite text speak into normal English! And, punctuation! Capitalization! No!

It saves my eyes. Back on subject. I have a frazzled woman in my lab complaining that you left for coffee with her friend and haven't returned. They have spreadsheets to go through.

Uh… Yeah… About that…

Wade?!

No… Really… Nothing too bad happened. I was able to talk stop trying to grab the phone Darcy! I'm talking here!

Did you just type in your argument instead of actually saying…

I'm taking the phone. No! It's my phone!

Guys?

Well, you're obviously not using it right. And, this autocorrect sucks.

HEY!

No need to shout! Geez, Wade, you're boyfriend is high strung. You need to fix that. Sure!

Stop sharing the texts, and Wade stop leering. Get back here and away from the zoo.

Is he psychic? Should I start thinking about random numbers and blinding lights? Huh? That's how you stop telepaths from reading your thoughts, I've been told. I sometimes think he is psychic, but he always has an explanation.

You do remember that you're talking via text while standing right next to each other right? And, I have a gps lock on your personal phone Wade, you know this.

Oh yeah! I forgot. Why does he stalk you? And, we're texting so we don't wake up the sleeping mama tiger. We're having too much fun with the cubs.

Cubs?! No! I don't want to know. Get here… Now!

=====

"Now, I don't know much about science, but this is a good setup."

Peter looked up from his screen. "Hello, Hawkeye."

"Call me Clint," the archer said with a shrug as he sprawled across the couch in the corner. "Even this couch is awesome. I may start sleeping here!"

"Okay… Clint," Peter replied. "Why have you invaded my domain? How have you invaded my domain?"

"I'm a barbarian, and your gates weren't enough to keep me out!" Clint exclaimed. Then, as a woman entered the lab, he added, "And, look, here's my elephant!"

The redhead raised a delicate eyebrow.

Peter choked on his coffee before psuedo-whispering, "I may be with the crudest guy on the earth, but even he knows to never call a woman an elephant. Well, not without consequences."

"Thank you," the woman replied before holding out her hand to be shaken. "I'm Natasha."

"Ma'am," Peter replied, giving a brisk handshake. "If you'd like to stay away from the barbarian, my desk chair is yours."

"Proper manners as well," Natasha stated as she gracefully sat in Peter's chair.

"My aunt raised me up right," Peter said with a grin. "Now, what do I owe the pleasure, Ms. Natasha?"

"Hey, what about me?" Clint called from the couch trying to swallow him.

=====

Seeing his boyfriend finally arrive, Peter opened the door to his lab to lead him in. "Thanks for the…" he paused as he took in the imposing black man with an eyepatch in the swishy trenchcoat. "You're not security."

"He wants to recruit me, baby boy!" Wade wailed. "Me! Working for the man!"

Standing tall, Peter glared at the silent man. "What's this all about?"

"Seriously? You're getting all protective and shit over a guy who can't die?" the man asked, incredulous.

"Kick his Director-of-SHIELD ass Petey! Kick it!" Wade crowed from the one area of the lab he was allowed, the couch-of-doom-and-sleepies, as Clint had named it.

"If Wade wants to work for SHIELD, I'm sure he'll contact someone about it," Peter scowled.

"Oh, fuck this shit," the man angrily said, throwing his hands into the air as he started to stomp off.

"Hey!" Wade exclaimed as he jumped off the couch. "How does he know our safeword!?"

The exclamation only made the man pause in his exit, before hurrying away.

=====

"Baby boy!" Deadpool exclaimed as he was let into the lab. "Guess what?! Guess what?!"

Peter looked up and smiled. His smile widened when he saw Steve Rogers behind his boyfriend, a confused look on his face. "Captain Rogers!" he exclaimed happily.

Wade pouted. "You ruined my surprise."

Looking fondly at Wade, he shook his head. "It wasn't hard, doofus."

"I decided to give the security staff a break and escorted Mr. Wilson up. Hi, I'm Steve," he said, a hand stretched out to shake.

"Peter," the scientist replied as he shook Captain America's hand. "A pleasure."

"Are you calling your freebie, Peter?" Wade asked, looking serious.

"Freebie?" Steve asked, confused.

Peter snorted in laughter. "No, babe." 

Wade leered before turning to Steve. "He gets one free night of sex with anyone of his choosing."

Grinning at the uncomfortable look on Steve's face, Peter continued. "He's adorable, but I'm reserving my freebie for someone else."

"Who?" Wade looked curious. "I have to know!"

"Not saying," Peter grinned.

"Is it Thanos?" Wade asked. "Please, say it isn't Thanos!"

Looking very awkward, Steve started to back out of the room.

"Eww," Peter replied, his nose wrinkled in disgust. "Fine, if you must know. It's Spiderman."

"No fair!" Wade exclaimed. "I wanted him as my freebie!"

The two grinned widely at each other as Steve continued to quickly walk towards the elevator.

=====

Seeing the Norse god standing outside his lab doors, Peter raised his eyebrows. "Can I help you sir?"

"I am Thor, young one," the god replied as the lab doors opened. "I request a meeting with you at your earliest convenience."

"Umm, sure," Peter replied, confused. "I'm free now."

"My questions will take long, and I do not want to interrupt your work."

Peter looked more confused. "Questions?"

"Your mate is a great warrior! And, I find his dialogue engaging and entertaining. However, I'm developing a very long list of things he says that I do not understand. And, who better to teach me than you, the one who understands him best!"

His mouth dropped open. Giving himself a shake, Peter nodded. "I'm free for lunch today, Say, one?"

Giving him a hearty slap that caused the shorter man to stagger, Thor agreed. "Then, I shall see you then! We will partake of the wings and tails of fire! And, perhaps I will finally find something on Midgard worthy of being called 'beer'!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I regret nothing. Except that I don't have more ideas. They are so much fun to write!!
> 
> I almost didn't put the the Clint & Natasha scene in because it ended abruptly. But, I had no idea how to continue it...
> 
> And, I may (may!) write Darcy and Deadpools' adventures at coffee... But, I have so many stories to finish!
> 
> And, that Coulson scene? Did not end like I originally thought it would... Huh. I think my brain may know something for the future that I don't. It does that sometimes.
> 
> If I do end up adding more to this, I may branch out into the comic book universe more. Even though it’s been fifteen plus years since I’ve read comics. That, and having everything revolve around Peter’s lab would make it hard to do… Maybe a new story? (No! Stop it!)


	3. Chapter 3

Walking into his lab, Peter wasn't expecting to see Doctor Bruce Banner staring at the far wall, which was one hundred percent white board and covered with equations. Except the square taped off with red duct tape on one end. That was the doodling corner, and currently had a stick figure Deadpool riding a stick figure unicorn in the air beside a tornado destroying a house.

"Can I help you, Doctor Banner?" Peter asked, hoping his mental squeal stayed out of his voice.

"I haven't been avoiding you," Bryce replied. "Not really... Just, I hadn't gotten around to coming in here."

Peter looked confused. "Umm... Okay..."

"I do have a good lid on the other guy," Bruce continued.

"I'm really confused," Peter stated.

"Just so you know. But, I need help from a biochemist, and Tony said you're the best. So, care to work on a project with me?" Looking sheepish, he continued. "If it'll make you feel better, we can work from different labs and only speak through video conferencing."

"Are you insane?!" Peter asked, a wide grin blossoming on his face. "My lab is your lab." Pointing to the corner with the couch, that had somehow breed to now also contain a monstrosity of an armchair covered with sunflower fabric. "Except that, that's for the non-scientists. But, no, I would love to work with you. As for the other guy," Peter shrugged. "I think he's kind of awesome."

Pinching his nose below his glasses, Bruce sighed. "I see why you and Tony get on so well."

=====

"He did it again!" a female voice shouted as she came into his lab.

"Can it wait for forty seconds?" Peter asked, not looking up from the petri dish under his microscope. "If I miss this reaction, it'll be four hours of wasted work."

The woman waited impatiently.

"Damn," Peter grumped. "It didn't work." Rubbing his eyes, he looked up to see Jane Foster near the door. Giving a sigh, he stood up. "Where are they now?"

"Shoe shopping!" Jane exclaimed. "Your boyfriend kidnapped my assistant to go shoe shopping!"

"Is it really kidnapping if she goes willingly?" Peter pointed out.

Jane actually growled. "That's not the point! I don't need to know what your boyfriend looks like in seven inch heels! Now, that picture is forever embedded in my mind!"

"What?!" Peter exclaimed before fishing out his phone. Seeing no text messages, he quickly texted Darcy and Wade that he better get a copy of that picture, thankyouverymuch.

"You owe me," Jane continued.

Sighing, Peter nodded. "I'm free to buy you lunch if you want. I'm not looking forward to trying this experiment again."

"Four hours you said?" Jane asked with a look of empathy, pointing to his lab table.

Peter sighed again. "Yeah, and no exothermic reaction. I'm going to put that on the back burner for now and hope for inspiration."

"Well, let's talk about it over lunch. It'll take my mind off the video of Darcy sent me of them doing the can-can."

Pulling out his phone, Peter sent another text message.

=====

"You are not what I expected," a female voice said from the doorway of his lab.

Looking up, Peter blinked at the redhead standing at the threshold of his lab. He blinked again at the blur through the room that resolved into a silver haired man next to her that was munching on...

"Hey! That's my candy bar!" Peter exclaimed.

"Is mine now," the man stated with a chocolate covered grin.

Glaring, Peter decided to ignore him and turned to the redhead. "Can I help you?"

"Everyone else comes here to see you. Why?" the redhead asked.

"Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver?" Peter asked, gesturing between the two before going to his desk for the other candy bar. Barely seeing the blur, and reacting on instinct, he smacked the air above his snack.

"Ow!" the man exclaimed as he stopped to shake his hand out.

Going from curious to shocked, the redhead exclaimed. "How did you do that?"

"Luck?" Peter replied halfheartedly.

"No. Something else?" the redhead continued, staring at Peter. After a few moments, she smiled. "I see. Good for you."

"Hey!" the silver haired man replied, still shaking his hand. "I'm hurt!"

"Baby," the woman snorted to him before turning back to Peter. "You can call us Wanda and Pietro."

"She's Wanda," Pietro stated, pointing at his sister. "Really? I thought we're not telling anyone!"

Wanda shrugged. "Him, I like."

Blinking, Pietro shrugged. "Okay then."

=====

"Hey, Steve Rogers isn't hiding in there, is he?" came over the intercom.

Sighing, Peter looked around. Blinking at the hiding Captain America between the sofa and armchair, he raised his eyebrows. Watching Steve shaking his head no, with wide eyes, Peter looked towards the glass door of his lab. 

Seeing the black man standing there with his hands on his hips, Peter replied. "Sorry, he's not available right now."

"Come on!" the man on the other side of the glass exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air. "Steve!"

"Don't let him in!" Steve muttered before Peter could reply. Sensing that Peter was about to cave, he frantically added. "I'll see what I can do to get you in with Spiderman!"

"I can hear you, you know," the man outside the lab stated.

"Shut up Sam!" Steve shouted.

Peter giggled. "I'm sorry, but you're too late," he stated with a grin towards Steve.

"I, uh... What?" Steve asked, going red.

"What the hell is going on here. Why are you laying siege to my t-rex of love's place?" Wade's voice exclaimed as the merc came into view with this week's security guard trailing behind him.

"I'm trying to get Captain America out of there! He's needed!" The last was shouted towards the microphone beside the lab doors.

Peter blinked a few times before staring at Steve, who was now pouting on the armchair. "Really? You're willing to try and get Spiderman to hook up with me if I helped you escape from what looks to be an Avengers matter?"

"He would?" Wade exclaimed. "Do it! Do it!"

"He doesn't need to, remember," Peter replied, grinning at his boyfriend through the glass.

"Oh yeah," Wade replied, a leer in his voice.

Sam shook his head. "I don't want to know." Starting to walk away, he threw over his shoulder, "Steve, the children will be upset!" before turning the corner.

Looking torn, Steve started to stand up.

"Children!" Wade exclaimed as Peter let him in. Landing on the couch in a sprawl with a small squeak, he continued. "The poor children!"

Sighing, Steve squared his shoulders and left the lab.

"Do we know what that's about?" Peter asked.

"Nope!" Wade grinned in reply. "Now, get over here. I haven't made out with sexypants in hours!"

"I guess I am due for lunch," Peter stated with a grin of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pietro is alive because of reasons. I do what I want! No really, this is a mashed up world where plot lines and timelines are fuzzy :D
> 
> No idea what Steve was hiding from, so I left it vague.
> 
> Coming up with Deadpool's terms of endearment is so much fun.
> 
> And, I think that concludes this story. But, not the series. It's just getting hard to come up with reasons for random people to invade Peter's lab. But, I got all but two people on my original list (Scott/Antman and Sitwell) into the room. :)
> 
> So, be on the look out for the next part of this series, (someday) set all around New York (and maybe other places). Umm... Why did Heimdall just shudder?


End file.
